Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
