youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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