I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
