he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
