Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
