currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
