I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
