did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
