I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
where does the pee come out of this thing
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
