Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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