The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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