I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
