You work out of a Hotel?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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