Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
