I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
