So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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