i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
