Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
