I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
