they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
