There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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