Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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