His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
