He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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