Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
