smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
