Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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