She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
