Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
