i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Life is so much better after having sex.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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