What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
