During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
