we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
organizing the empties. That sober.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
