I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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