Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
