During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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