Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
