How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
