Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
