every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
