he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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