If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
