bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
