my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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