either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
