I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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