it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
