Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
