so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
