I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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