You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
