What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
