Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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