Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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